Ways to Reduce Your Child’s Screen Time (That Won’t Feel Like a Punishment)

Spring break is now behind us, and summer is swiftly approaching. One of the things you might have noticed over the last break is how much your child was using screens! You might have caught yourself saying something about how when you were little you’d be outside 24/7 and would only come inside for dinnertime. Well, unfortunately, times sure have changed. Fortunately, I can help you develop some perimeters around screen time that won’t make your child feel like you’re punishing them by wanting them to spend time with you without the screens!

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Here are some easy ways to reduce your child/teen’s screen time that WON’T feel like a punishment.

1. Rather than time limits, set parameters: We can get into a similar habit as our children.. sometimes, when we want something we want it NOW! For example, when you feel like they’re not engaged in the family dinner THEN we don’t want their phones at the table, rather than setting the limit ahead of time and sticking to it. I recommend finding a couple of times throughout the day where phones just aren’t involved; dinnertime, car rides less than 15 minutes, Sundays until after church and brunch, etc. If this feels overwhelming, you can start with one, get yourself AND your child in the groove of it for a week and then add on. Don’t take on more than you can realistically follow through on (this rule doesn’t just apply to the kids. We will also be modeling no screens.) One snag I’ve ran into with clients is this.. Let’s say that dinner is at 6:30 and you don’t want screens at the table, but if you say no phones during dinner you find that your kids are gulping food down without even chewing just so they can get back to their video games. Instead, you can say dinner is at 6:30 and we are all sitting together for 20 minutes with no screens. You WILL get push back, which might at first cause you to think “you know what, nevermind, why am I even trying so hard,” but if you push past the ‘push back’ and stay consistent their attitude will change most every time.
2.  Use a screen timer app: A lot of teens I work with aren’t even aware of how much screen time they’re actually using a day! I worked with one 17 year-old whose mom was beyond fed up the excessive phone usage. During our time together the client had received a new phone, which came with a screen time calculator app. She decided to set her own daily time limit that would apply to all of her social media apps (excluding phone and texting) that would “shut down” her ability to use certain apps if she had reached her time limit. She would check in with me each week on how she was doing and share we apps “weekly usage” report, which detailed which apps she used the most and at what time of the day she would be on it the most. This is something I would recommend to any family to use together if you’re finding most of your time together is spent sitting next to each other with your phones open, rather than making the most of quality time.
3. Have an unplugged day once a week: An unplugged day is just that, a weekend day without screens that needs to be “plugged in” to keep their life. Typically, I recommend Sunday as I find that’s the easiest to remain detached. Think of it like a detox from devices before you start the week back up again! I’ve used this with several families, but only a couple were successful with it. One reason for this is because the parents themselves found it too difficult to do an entire day unplugged. If you need to have your phone on you on a Sunday for work or otherwise, follow step 1 and set parameters. Such as, “I will only use my phone for business calls that are important and I will keep the calls less than 20 minutes.” Call yourself out for it, rather than expecting your kids to do something that you can’t model appropriate boundaries with either. I found that parents who started saying, “Well, dad/mom needs the phone today because their stuff is more important,” completely lost their kids commitment to it. Please, feel free to tweak these tips in order to meet your families needs! Another reason is that they weren’t consistent with it. Let’s all take a second and admit that the phones/video games come in handy. For example, if it’s a snowy day and too cold to go outside, but you’ve got a lot of work to do around the house, then it becomes easier to have your kids on their devices so you can have a bit of peace and quiet. If you are going to “give in” to letting your kids use their devices on an unplugged day, revert back to step 1. You can do/say something like, “I have an idea, just for today! Let’s all begin our unplugged time at 4pm today instead. At that time, we’ll make up for our lack of face time by making dinner together and play a board game.” Ideally, you’d want to change the plan the day prior, which shows your child that you’re still in control and they can’t expect every cold and snowy Sunday to be an exception from the rules. Yet, sometimes, life happens. If you follow the plan consistently upfront, then you can be more lenient in the future with a 70% on the plan, 30% leeway

The key to success with any of my tips is CONSISTENCY! 

I can’t stress it enough. The things you implement won’t always be overnight wins. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Consistency is about making a commitment to create long-term change. Push past the ‘push back’ from your child and you will regain control of your household!