The Best Way to Teach Your Child About Self-Care

 

We see and hear about self-care all over social media nowadays. Whether it’s someone with freshly manicured nails, getting her hair blown out, having a spa day, or impulse buying that expensive dress they’ve been eyeing and adding a #selfcare to the post. To most, self-care is a way of justifying acts that they might normally feel guilty about indulging in because TREAT YOURSELF, right? Well, while they’re not entirely wrong, there is SO much more to self-care than that and it is MUCH more manageable (and affordable!) than you might think. 

Let’s start with what self-care is NOT:

• Self-care is not selfish
• Self-care is not something we feel obligated to do and/or dread the thought of
• Self-care is not an excuse to give yourself the love you deserve in one large dose (just to feel guilty about it later!)

It is a way of refilling your cup, it is a way of setting healthy boundaries, and it is a way of sending love to oneself daily, so we have more love to give out.

One of my clients dad’s came in very upset one session telling me that he watched the kids for an entire Saturday and told his wife to do some ‘self-care.’ She left the house, he assumed to go get her nails done or go to the spa, but when she came home hours later she had only done tasks that were beneficial for the family. She got the groceries, bought the kids gear they needed for sports, picked up gardening tools from Home Depot, etc.

What sort of message do you think this is sending to her kids? Were they getting the message that it’s okay to show yourself love? Do you think that mom came home more rejuvenated and centered? I’m sure she felt relieved that those tasks were completed, but I don’t think rejuvenated would be a word they’d used to describe her when she walked in the door with an arm full of grocery bags. 

The message around self-care that we send our kids the most is this; ‘until everybody else’s needs are met, yours must come last.’

While the dad’s intention was sweet, the understanding of what self-care is seemed to be missing. Self-care is not a day off of ‘mom’ duty, self-care is a routine built-in to your daily life that continues to nourish and refuel you. It’s not waiting until you have nothing left to give to finally take care of YOU just so you can go another month or so neglecting yourself. It’s small acts everyday that continually fill your cup so you have more to give than you did before.

You may have already surmized this fact, but further ado… the best way to teach your kids about self-care is to model it! Below are a few ways to get you started on a self-care routine today, so your kids can learn from you.

1. Start Small

If we were to go from zero self-care to giant acts of it over night we would probably give up on it quick. It’s like starting a new diet regimen and trying to commit to eating Paleo for 30 days … That’s probably not going to be easy and if you’re anything like me, you’ll end up having a cheat meal that turns into a cheat weekend, that ends up lasting for the remainder of the 30 days, and you’ll be feeling all kinds of guilt about it. BUT if we start small by committing to making 2 home-cooked Paleo meals a week, OR replacing one meal or snack each day with a Paleo friendly one, it’s much more doable! AND we are building our confidence and self-esteem along the way because we’re sticking to it!

2. Be Consistent

Consistency is KEY. It’s how habits are formed and it’s also how our kids learn best. If you tell your kid their bedtime is 8pm every night, but don’t enforce it, they probably won’t listen, will they? If we are consistent with our self-care they WILL adopt those behaviors. One way to increase consistency is to be verbal about it! If you tell your family and friends that you’re working on self-care they can help keep you accountable. 

Another way to increase consistency is to make it part of your schedule! Building self-care into your routine is SO helpful, and then it becomes something your kids will see you actively prioritizing! For example, if the one small self-care act you chose is a 10-minute stroll around your neighborhood after dinner, set an alarm on your phone to remind you, or put a post-it on the fridge

3. Adjust Your Intention

Even the smallest, most mundane task can be an act of self-care if we change the intention behind it. For example, when your kid puts up a fight when you tell them to brush their teeth, you may have found yourself saying, “If you don’t brush your teeth, they’re going to fall out!” What you could try saying is, “What food did you eat today that you really like? …And what’s your favorite food in the world? Well, brushing your teeth is a way of keeping them strong so they can chew our favorite foods for us!” 

When your child doesn’t want to take a bath and you might say, “Well, if you don’t take a bath you’re going to smell, and if you smell then people won’t want to be your friend!” Instead, you could tell them that taking a bath is a way of giving your body and mind a fresh start for the new day ahead, or washing your body can help you wash away your worries from the day! This changes the act from being something they’ll feel obligated to do and puts a more positive intention behind it. Start changing the intention for yourself when it comes to the things you don’t want to do, and it’ll be whole lot easier to do this for your child.

 

There are so many different ways for busy parents to build self-care into their routine and to make it work. Stay tuned, self-care will be a frequent topic here on the Evergreen Therapy Blog. Comment below if you have any questions or if you have anything to add to this important topic.

Be Well.