Sounds like:

"I need to do things perfectly, in just the right way," or "If I don’t choose your player: get straight A’s, make varsity, go to college at this school, get (or already know) my dream job right out of college, get married first, then, I’m a failure."

Feels like:

Constantly feeling like you need to get everything perfect, whether it's school, work, or personal life. You have anxiety around making mistakes or falling short of expectations. It’s the fear of failure mixed with the desire to meet external standards, which increases your stress, exhaustion, and self-criticism.

Sounds like:

"Am I really doing this for me, or to please my [family, friends, etc.]?" "I’d rather focus on other people’s needs because it's easier/feels better to make them happy."

Feels like:

A deep sense of needing to please others, often at the expense of your own needs and desires. This can come from our deep need for connection, acceptance, or validation. It can also lead to a feeling of being overlooked or unappreciated.

Sounds like:

"I can’t say ‘no,’ it’ll hurt their feelings.” or “I don’t really want to do this, but I don’t want to disappoint them.” 

Feels like:

  A tendency to overcommit or take on too much responsibility, mostly because you don’t know how to say "no" or set boundaries (what even are those!?) This can lead to burnout and resentment, often making you feel guilty when you try to prioritize yourself.

Sounds like:

All your “what if” thoughts; what if I’m not good enough? What if people don’t like me? What if nothing works out for me? What if I make the wrong choice? Sometimes leading to anxiety ABOUT feeling anxious and panicky, which can hold us back.

Feels like:

A cycle of overthinking, second-guessing, and feeling trapped by your own thoughts. This makes your anxiety worse, especially when you worry about making the wrong decision, saying the wrong thing, or facing negative setbacks due to those decisions.

Sounds like:

“What if I make the wrong choice?” “I don’t know what I want, and I don’t want to disappoint anyone” “What if people think I made the wrong choice?” “I need all the information before making a decision” "I tend to want everyone’s opinion on what I should do before I make a decision, I don’t always trust myself to make decisions on my own."

Feels like:

A lack of confidence in making the “right” decision and an reliance on others for validation or guidance. This stems from a fear of making mistakes or failing, and not being good enough, smart enough, brave enough, etc.

Sounds like:

“I need to make everyone happy,” “what if they don’t like me,” “I don’t want to be a burden,” “I’m not enough unless I’m doing for others,” “If I don’t do XYZ, they’ll think I’m being selfish.”

Feels like:

A tendency to take on others’ emotions and problems as your own. You might feel responsible for how others feel or think you can "fix" things for them, which can be emotionally draining and lead to neglecting your own needs. You have a fear of letting others down, and a never ending goal to keep the peace.

Sounds like:

“If I don’t do it perfectly, then I’ve failed,” “I’ll never be good enough,” “I did this one thing wrong, so it’s all ruined,”  "Either it’s all MY fault, or it’s all THEIR fault." 

Feels like:

A tendency to see situations in extremes—it’s either all good or all bad, there’s no gray area. This black-and-white thinking can contribute to emotional turmoil and difficulty being present. It leaves no room for mistakes or learning experiences.

Sounds like:

"I wish I could just quit everything, there’s no way I can handle all of this,” “I’ll be more productive later…” “It’s too overwhelming to do this now,” “I’ll just wait to feel motivated,” “I do most things at the last minute. I always get it done, but the anxiety it causes me keeps me up at night.”

Feels like:

The desire to quit or give up because the pressure feels overwhelming. This creates a sense of guilt, stress, consistent inaction and self-blame. Oftentimes, this stems from burnout, when you're trying to juggle too many things and can't manage the weight of it all, but don’t really know what’s worth prioritizing.

Sounds like:

"My life isn’t that bad. What would I even talk about in therapy? My pain isn’t real." “Nobody really cares about me,” “I feel like a burden to others,” “I’m not lovable” “I don’t have the right to take up space”

Feels like:

A lack of self-worth or feeling like you aren’t good enough unless you meet certain standards or expectations. This can be tied to external validation rather than an internal sense of self-acceptance, which impacts your well-being, self-esteem, and an overall happiness in your relationships.

Sounds like:

“This isn’t where I thought I’d be right now,” “I should be doing better,” “I know I can do better, but I keep falling short,” "I keep getting stuck on what I feel things ‘should’ look like on the outside, and I can’t figure out what I want it to feel like."

Feels like:

Struggling with the gap between you ideals and your lived experience. There’s a disconnect in how you think things “should” look  and how things actually are. This can lead to frustration or confusion about your true desires and your responsibilities.